Most people think abusive relationships are related to family (parent-kids) and partner relationships only. I would like to talk about an abusive relationship with ourself and usually it isn't recognized but the good news is it possible to identify behavior and change it with a conscious attitude.
To live in an abusive relationship with ourself is destroying, noxious. What do I mean exactly? Emotional abuse such as criticism, mockery. In my point of view to talk about this is so important as we are responsible for our life, how we care ourself, how we think about ourself and don't pass the responsibility to others, stop looking for a scapegoat and use as a reason our past experience, patterns, we have a choice, we can choose something else, it is possible and worth doing.
Let see some examples, what thoughts can hurt us:
Oh, Gosh I'm lame, I can't park here.
I look like a stuffed pigeon in this dress, I'm ridiculous.
Hehe, you're a stupid, did you think she/he likes you? Are you serious? Did you really believe what she/he was saying?
My voice is like a screaming seal, I don't even want to hear it.
How I could have been naive again that I thought he would help me, I'm so unlucky.
On God, I smashed the plates again, I'm an accused blunderer.
I'm not good at..... neither.
I don't wanna speak in public, I was upset last time, it was awful.
I don't do that, it was not successful the other time, I'm clumsy.
Do you really think you can achieve it? You're not good enough.
What is the common message from all statements?
I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH pfffffffffff yeah, we integrated into our beliefs from received judgements and we prove their right again and again we cannot do this, we cannot do that, we don't deserve it. Just think about it, what are the roots of these beliefs, these thoughts? You can see clearly who and when got you a label and judge you and you believed everything. This is your responsibility to stop the constant self-blaming, self-punishment.
When you say it again how do you think exactly, what kind of program runs in your mind? Over again and again, so a recurring pattern runs into your mind.
What would your self-esteem be like if you talk to yourself in a different way?
What would your life be like, what would change if you giving recognition to yourself instead of labelling?
What would your life be like if you praising yourself for all achievements, every single step?
What would your life be like if you don't wait for appreciation?
When you build yourself from others point of views, it could collapse in a second, you create your BASE, your inner STABILITY, you build yourself from YOU!
What would your life be like if you create it from YOU?
What would your life be llike if you choose something else than before?
What would be like if you believe that you are good enough if you can do it, you can achieve that?
What happen if parking takes longer than you thought? Nothing, do it, other people have choices to react in a calm way or be upset, this is not your business. What would your life be like if you stopped self-proven, I cannot do this.
What would be like if you change your focus if you change your point of view?
What would be like if you use supportive criticism instead of destroying?
How would your life change?
Are you willing to be aware of your behavior?
Observe your thoughts, it's the best to make notes to see clearly how you think about yourself and LET’S MOVE ON, yeah CHANGE. If you did something and was not successful, ok what should I change to achieve a better result? Just ask, no any mockery.
What should be the next step? How would it be successful?
Visualization exercise:
According to your faith, ask for contribution to this process. Find a comfortable position, the whole body relaxed, lips too. Bring your attention to the breath. Breathing deeply, slowly and fully. If you wish to close your eyes, it helps to focus on the inner part. Allowing the body and the mind to calm and relax.
Visualize the self-punishment, abusive programs- some sort of wires around your head and neck. Why are they there? It doesn't belong to you. Cut all these wires, metallic, black, grey or as you imagine, cut them down, you can hear them crashing and know you are relieved. Do you know how it affected your back, your body posture, your spine condition, your flexibility? All holes are disappeared, put on cream or some liquid to clean and heal that area. Ask cleaning and closing and maintaining conditions. If you have seen any dark light around your head and neck, now see it in either white or gold light as it shines on you and fills you with love. Say thank you for contribution and support and for the success of the process.
If visualization is more challenged for you, it still works because feeling is the point, feel freedom and ease.
How does it feel to be easy?
How does it feel to be free?
What would your life be like without self-punishment?
How's your relationship, what's your job, who are your friends...?
This affects the whole life, Everything is connected.
Have a wonderful and lovely relationship with yourself, with everything.
Love yourself
Lots of love xx
Kardos Anasztazia- Zia
08 February 2021